Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Ok, so I have heard that when you are pregnant, you are very emotional. Well I have discovered that there is no need to be pregnant for this to happen. Just move 8 hours away from your family. Vuala. Emotional roller coaster without the morning sickness. Take tonight for instance. I started bawling while painting the words "apple cider." now, one of two
reasons why I am crazy things just popped into your head.(side note: ignore any misspellings and/or punctuation errors-I am typing on the iPad. I just fixed popped from pooped...) The first is "why in the world are you painting apple cider?" the answer to that is...it is a project for my cousin's wedding. The second thing would be "why did apple cider make you cry?" I won't scare you with my thought process but it went from apple cider is what we had at our wedding to this is has been and is going to be the hardest phase of my life, I think. Somewhere along the way Kari Jobe was singing in the background about Healing Hands and I just lost it. Thankfully my cryfests have decreased in numbers but they still come...and they come out of nowhere (like I saw a principal in the hallway with a kid last week and it was all I could do to keep myself together through that therapy session because the principal reminded me of my dad with the way he was calmly getting on to him). The last month has been nothing less than chaos surrounded by chaos. The busyness has helped with the homesickness, but has added to the feeling of not being settled. Between work, praise band, choir, weekend trips, and apartment hunting there just hasn't been time to get into a routine yet. We did, however just get the keys to our new condo today! :) pictures will come soon and probably an entire blog devoted to it, but for now let's just say it is a blessing to finally have a place to call our own here. To get to the point of this rambling mess(what's new)... As I was sitting here trying to get finished with the words "apple cider" before my paint dried up without washing it all away with the Rio de Emilio, I was overwhelmed with God's comfort and warm embrace. My wandering thoughts that always lead to unanswered questions and tears were interrupted; my aching heart was stilled. What a joy it is to serve a God who cares about insignificant me. I am worth nothing....most people on this earth couldn't care less if I was crying or not. But the God and Creator of EVERYTHING cares. Woah. And he has a plan. As hard as this phase of life is for me, I can get through it with His help because this is His plan for me. Even though I have the audacity to question His reasoning, He loves me enough to carry me through and wrap a surreal comfort around my heart that cannot be found elsewhere. I know people constantly go through worse situations than I. I am so extremely blessed. My prayer tonight is that if you are going through a difficult time, I hope and pray that you have the comfort of Christ to run to. If not, please know that it isn't because He isn't there. He loves you and wants nothing more than to welcome His child into His open arms where a peace that you cant even begin to imagine is waiting.