Chaos - a state of utter confusion or disorder; a total lack oforganization or order.
This word pretty much describes our life right now - and what our life will be like for the next couple of months. It's a tad stressful for a pregnant lady, but I wouldn't have it any other way - because I know it's God's perfect plan for us.
A little update into the world of the Cades:
I'm 8 1/2 months pregnant (34 weeks). And feeling every single day of it. I actually have days where I feel pretty good and I sometimes forget I'm actually pregnant - until I go to turn around or bend down...then I'm QUICKLY reminded of the fact that I'm the size of a whale. Other than the normal aches and pains, my pregnancy has been great with no complications. Something we a truly grateful for.
I joke with people about Tanner's timing of things. Like the fact that I had been trying to get him to run a 5K for a year and then he finally decides to sign us up for one when I was 5 months pregnant. yeah. he's awesome. =) Well, this time, we decided it's a good idea to move 8 hours, across 2 states, while i'm 8 1/2 months pregnant. oh boy. Now, don't get me wrong - I'm excited beyond words to be moving back home; I'm just not so fond of the fact that it's the hottest part of the year and I am twice my normal size and waddle everywhere. So packing/unpacking and everything else that comes along with moving is seeming like a mountain to climb right now.
Ok, here's the story. It's kind of a long one...so get comfortable. or go ahead and stop reading. I'll never know =)
Back in the Spring, Tanner and I started discussing the possibility of moving back close to Hattiesburg. We weren't set on any specific area, we just knew we wanted to be closer to family. Preferably, close enough to call in a "help, we have a kid and have no idea what to do with it" emergency. We even put our house in Hattiesburg back on the market (we've had people leasing it for the past year). We both started looking, but Tanner mostly. His job was going to be our main source of income so it was obviously the most important. And in his line of work (media) it's harder to find something. Well, God was closing all the doors. It started to feel more like slamming them in our face. I'll go ahead and say, I'm the one who wanted this the most. I just couldn't imagine raising our baby 8 hours away from my family. I got to experience both living away from, and living close to, my family - and I know the difference it makes. I want our child to grow up knowing her entire family - aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents...everyone...even the crazies. =) So, the fact that God seemed to be saying "no" was really hard for me. Even harder, was praying every single day, that His will be done and not mine. I struggled. Every day. Every day I had to re-examine my heart and my motives before I spoke those words. I wanted to mean them. And so many times I just wasn't in the mood to mean them. I wanted my family and that was that. But every day, without fail, by the time I fought it out with myself and gave it to God, I had complete peace that He was in control no matter what the outcome. And that got me through the day. That calmed my fears and stopped my tears.
So, a couple weeks ago, Tanner was in Estonia on a mission trip with church, and I was staying with my parents while he was gone. I had a couple interviews with schools in the area while I was there (one, I knew wouldn't lead to anything - they told me the teacher ended up saying she was staying but they still wanted to meet me just for future connections). We didn't expect the other to pan out either, simply because I'm looking at being out for 6 weeks right after school starts. So even though they can't technically use that as a reason not to hire me, they could easily find another excuse. But, I was thinking, I might as well while I'm here. Also that week, we got a call about our house. The only one in 2 years! So, after a freak out moment of "i have no idea how this works" our wonderful realtor talked me through it and by the time Tanner got back into civilization, we had a pending deal on our house! And to top it all off, Tanner had a voicemail when he got home about a possible job in Hattiesburg. His old boss had just resigned and they wanted to talk to Tanner about coming back and taking his position. I thought I was going to go into labor. I was sooo stressed/excited/nervous! All during this process (since the spring) I found it really hard to open up and share my true feelings with Tanner. He's such an amazing husband, I knew that if I pressed it, he would make a move he didn't want to make and be miserable, just to make me happy. And that's the last thing I wanted. I/we wanted to follow God. Anything else would be in vain. So I kept my mouth shut (most of the time) and we prayed. Over the next week - I got the school job, our house deal fell through, and Tanner got officially offered the Media Director position at Temple Baptist Church in Hattiesburg. Hello God! A couple days after that, Tanner made a comment at lunch that went something like this: "The only thing that hasn't fallen into place is our apartment lease..." Our lease is through October and the only way to get out of it was if someone else came in and wanted to rent it. We live in a small complex, without a pool or gym or anything, that isn't really near much (except the church) so it's not like tons of people are just dying to live here. That.very.afternoon....a lady came and looked at it and wanted it. At that point, I imagine God just smiling down at us with a content look on His face like..."anything other reason to doubt?"
And here we are. 5 days from moving back home. We both have jobs. We have a house to go back to. We won't have to continue paying our apartment rent. Completely in awe of God and His sovereignty. Right now, at this moment, I am not stressed at all. I know the next couple of months will be crazy hectic for us - both starting new jobs and moving and settling in and then having a baby - but I also know that God is in complete control. We have met some AMAZING people while we've been here and are going to miss them terribly. But we are 100% positive God is opening these doors for a reason and that gives us comfort.