Sunday, August 28, 2011

Blessings and cryfest

I am writing this from my new blogger app on my phone since my husband took the computer and internet for random spellings and typos. I will try to correct them but im sure I will eventually give up and just leave you to decipher. If you are someone I text frequently you are used to it already :)
I  am sitting in our house by myself with no tv and no internet and no dog. I should be incredibly happy because our realtor and future tenants just left after signing a one year lease for our home! Again, God's perfect timing as Tanner left ten minutes ago for Texas and I leave saturday. Everything has just gone so smoothly and it is just overwhelming to think about how all of the details have been meticulously ironed out for us. However, right now, what is more overwhelming for me is the sadness. (and the aggitation at my phone). Our first year of marriage was spent in this home. I know it is just a house...a structure that wasnt even built by us. But it was a home for us.. Our first one. And there are so many memories here. We will never have another movie night with a pallet on the floor or game night with hot tea and settlers. Yes we can have all that in our new house but will it be the same? The silence and loneliness is overpowering. And my family is still just ten minutes away. What will it be like when they are eight hours away. .? In just one week this will be the case. I am constantly praying for peace and comfort. I am always asking God to just let me keep in the tears for a few more minutes so I can get to seclusion before they all come pouring out. I put on a brave face but inside I am trembling with fear. There is no doubt that we are following God, so why the fear? I know it will get better with time and once we get there and settled my fears will ease. And I know it could be so much worse. I mean, we are only going 8 hourse...its not like we are leaving the country.But you dony know our family. (ok, maybe you do). If you dont...our family is amazing. I used to think they were normal but I realize now theu are an exception. We are extremely close-knit. For the past 12 years I have gone to visit my grandparents at least once a week. We have monthly birthday dinners to celebrate whoevers birthdays are that month. We sometimes just have random sunday lunches because there are no birthdays that month. And now I am leaving all of that. My grandparents arent getting younger...they arent going to be around much longer. My heart literally aches just thinking about leaving them. My family is my world.  They are always there when we need something...and even when we dont. This week is going to be a killer. I know I cant do it alone. Please pray for us whenever you think to do so. Pray for Tanner as he travels this afternoon and again this weekend to come get me. Pray that his firsy week at work will go smoothly for him and the rest of the staff. Pray for us as a couple amd a family that we can grow closer during this time of transition and change. That we can learn to depend solely on one another and God. Everyone says its the best thing for a marriage to live away from family for a while. And while I believe them and am looking forward to the time we can grow even closer, I am still scared out of my mind. Please also pray for my licensure situation. I have to get state licensure from dept of health and dept of ed. So far they are both proving to be slow and tedious processes. I know God is in control amd he has shown us that multiple times in this process. He has provided us with so many blessings and we deserve none of them. I  thankful that we serve a marvelous and caring God who wraps us in his love and peace during times of fear.

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